#KWK

  There’s a certain kind of delicate art to Killing With Kindness. It’s not the easiest task by any means and it takes a certain level of maturity or two… not to mention a monk’s patience. As I’ve said before, some people just don’t like to see anyone else happy and go out of their way to ruin the next person’s vibe. But what’s that go to do with us? Well, we never know what the next person is going through, for one, so there may be more to the puzzle than we know . From bad customer services representatives to the most random instances where the next person just decided it might be a good idea to push all 27 of my buttons at once, the Lord saw fit to equip me with lots of KWK experience. And for that, I am glad. People skills are about as essential to the soul as laughter.

Becuase of my last job working for a property management company as a leasing agent, I can attest to dealing with plenty of senselessly angry people who sometimes, despite their issues being completely unrelated to our work in the office, decided to take their frustrations out on us anyway. But by being kind and coming from a place of sincere concern, we were usually able to either coax them out of their anger or they’d storm off and come back later and apopogize for their behavior. Fighting fire with fire is usually never he answer. 

“What about the people that I already know don’t like me? And the ones that are always coming for me?” Good question. My golden rules for dealing with people in those categories is as follows:

1. If it’s something you did that’s causing tension, apopogize and if they accept it, great. If they don’t, well you did your part. Keep it cordial and keep it moving.

2. If it’s something that doesn’t involve you being blatantly disrespected, keep minding your business. It’s not your job to please other people when they don’t like you for reasons that don’t have anything to do with you.

3. If you are being blatantly disrespected, address it like a grown up (which almost always takes well-thought-out  conflict resolution planning). Try to come to terms with the other person that allow both of you to be able to either function cordially if it’s someone you have to interact with regularly, or go peacefully about your merry ways.

Not everything and everyone are worth the energy. I personally don’t like bickering back and forth about issues I have nothing to do with and things that aren’t my problem. Although it’s not always the easiest thing ever, it’s usually less work in the long run to be civil and mature.

You Smart…You Loyal!

imageIt’s not uncommon for us to spend time on people who don’t deserve it. It’s human nature and, beyond behavior, we can’t predict the future or control the next person’s actions. But just in case you’ve forgotten: Time is an invaluable asset that can never be recovered once spent.

Inspired yesterday by the #WomanCrushWednesday posts I saw of some of my followers’ best friends on Instagram, I began thinking of one of my best friends and felt a deep, sincere appreciation of everything that she’s done for me since we’ve become close. It’s nice to have someone who appreciates and cherishes my friendship as much as I appreciate hers; good friends are hard to find. I never have to wonder if I’ll have a comforting shoulder when I’m in need, keeping it 100 is never a question, and more than anything else, she consistently puts in effort to be a great friend. And that’s what’s important. Effort.

Like many people, I’m no stranger to  “friends” and significant others who have used and abused the perks of having me around. It took me until the end of my last “relationship” to truly understand that…unfortunately some people will let you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders for them, but leave you hanging when you ask them to hold your purse. It’s life. I had a friend in high school that only really bothered to ask me to hang out if I could drive us around once I got my driver’s license (haven’t heard from her since Fall 2013 lol…) and even now by virtue of just being in college, there are people around that literally only bother to talk to me when they need something and think it’s okay…but should I ever need anything, #WhereDeyAtTho?

My mother taught me that as a Christian, you do what you can to help people in need when it’s in your power to do so, and that’s the life I lead. She also makes it a point to remind me every so often that, despite my loving, generous nature and bad tendency to completely ignore the flaws of others while trying to find the good in them…not everyone is worth my time and effort. “If they want to be in your life…if they want to be around, they’ll show you through their actions. And that applies to everyone. I don’t kiss a** and You don’t have to kiss a** for anyone either.” -Mom

It’s pretty discouraging to think that some people can be so relentlessly selfish. But there are ways to cope without becoming hard-hearted. If you’re as sensitive as I am and get as upset as I do by people’s selfishness and lack of effort after they’ve gone out of their way to drain you of your energy here’s something that may help:

Accept them for who they are, and put them out of your life. You’re not obligated to deal with anyone who doesn’t put in effort to be as good to you as you are to them. I’d even go as far as saying dealing with those people is stupid and shows a serious lack of self-preservation. Be brave enough to take the time to treat yourself better than they ever will by leaving them behind where they belong. Pray about it and keep it moving.

Enough, Debby!

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Everyone has encountered a Debby Downer Dream-Smasher  or, in some cases, may have even been the Debby. I say “give it a rest!”

Some people can’t stand to see others happy. We can’t help that they’re unhappy with themselves and have to inflict that negative energy onto everyone that crosses their path, but we can avoid being affected by it by doing a few simple things.

1. Surround yourself with positive energy and people. By doing this you’ll have your attention so wrapped up i the good things that you have going on that you won’t have time to pay attention to who’s trying to sneak their way in to crush your fabulous dreams and aspirations.

2. Stop telling everyone your next move. It’s okay to be happy about the good things that you have going for you, but sometimes it’s also okay to keep your business to yourself. The Haters can’t stifle what they don’t know is even going on. Don’t give them fuel to spread the negativity.

3. Believe in your Dreams so much so that people can’t distort the image you have of your success. Don’t let anyone take away from you the work that you’ve done to cultivate your dreams into a reality of prosperity. Just focus on being great.

Let’s face it, some people just can’t stand to see people be happy, and that’s okay, but we don’t have to let them rain on our parade with bitter words and negative talk. Simply ignore them and keep it moving forward toward your goals.

Drama? What’s that?

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Part of what I do as a Social Media Intern for RegalRealness.com is coming up with affirmations and posting them up on our social media pages for our followers/subscribers to see. Through that, I’m happy to say that I’ve been able to inspire other women with the same words and mentality that I have for myself. I decided to expound on this affirmation because it’s one that I keep close to my heart.

In high school I kept a limited amount of friends as I wasn’t very social even though I was involved in many extracurricular activities,  for fear that we wouldn’t remain friends and to avoid high school drama. And although I did avoid a lot of unnecessary drama in high school, it took College to teach me how to be social with everyone without confusing that with being “friends” with everyone.

As I’ve matriculated, I’ve been able to learn myself, make real friends, and accept the fact that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, and be completely okay with that. I’m focused on my work, taking advantage of great opportunities, and working on being the best version of myself that I can be. I no longer have the extra energy to care what negative opinions people have of me or to engage in situations that I can foresee will become negative. I’ve taken it upon myself to spend the remainder of my internal battery being creative and positive for the sake of myself and those around me.

Many people get lost in the adrenaline that fuels Drama and forget who they are and what their purpose is. As hard as it was for me to discover how to live out what I always felt my purpose is, which I believe is to help and guide others, I can’t afford to be distracted from my path.

If you feel like you’re becoming distracted and engulfed in negative people and situations, my suggestion is that you step back and reevaluate. Decide what’s really important..simple as that. You owe it to yourself to develop a tunnel-vision for following your passion and purpose. At some point we should realize and accept the fact that what’s not an attribute to life truly belongs by the wayside.

Buh-bye Haters

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Sometimes I wonder if life for women in the U.S. has always been this way. You know…women being cutthroat with one another.

I can’t speak on behalf of the women in other countries, as I’ve only ever been a resident of this one, but it seems like we American women spend way too much time acting as crabs in a barrel, rather than lifting each other up to new heights. And it’s a shame.

I’ve had to look up different quotes for women’s empowerment and inspiration to post on social media for an internship with RegalRealness.com and this one stuck out to me more than the 60 or more that I passed to see it. Why? Because it’s the truth. A woman who owns and wields her power is a force to be reckoned with, but even more so, a entourage of women doing just that.

So why is it that we have such a hard time, as women, figuring out how to cooperate and work with one another for the greater good? I’m a firm believer that if women were to come together by some Miracle of God and start being good to one another, that our homes, our communities, our children, and our families would be so much more invigorated and pleasant.

My suggestion for us? To do more complimenting than downgrading. Promote more camaraderie than man-stealing. Do more helping each other instead of hanging each other out to dry. Men will never respect us if we don’t get it together, and worse…we’ll never respect each other.

What is that?

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One of my followers posted this the other day, and in an effort to become more active with my social media community, I decided to respond.

I’ve personally given up on labeling the whole awkward, pre-dating/ getting to know each other phase because at the end of the day, anything without real commitment is only minutely more than irrelevant…for the simple fact that we give the situation the time of day.

I understand that those first few evaluative efforts are about trying to appear as the crème de la crème to the opposite sex in addition to seeing if things are worth pursuing, and that’s okay….But both young men and woman should keep in mind that it’s all fluff.  At this point in my life and after my experiences, I honestly feel that until I can see that someone is working to be my permanent One-and-Only (yes, a Husband, not that I’m looking for that any time soon), I don’t have it in me to take anyone too seriously.

Dating is great if you like that sort of thing. Going out to enjoy new restaurants and movies is fun! But here’s my mentality: I don’t have to stop my life for anyone and I’m not obligated to push aside my plans for or lose sleep over anyone, either. I’m living my young life happily, fully understanding that people come and go.

So my recommendation? That anyone who hasn’t done so yet, places a some sort of personal ban against the phrase and phase “Talking” and instead tries to become more objective as others may try to get to know and court them. Doing just this has allowed me to attain a sort of self-control and self-respect that I’d like to believe cannot be swayed or broken. It repels those who may not be up to my particular standards and it discards the rose-colored glasses so I can evaluate the amount of time that I should spend on any given situation, with a leveled head.

Time is an invaluable asset that cannot be replaced, so don’t waste it on situations that aren’t relevant, and certainly not “Talking.”

Handle your Business

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So, for my first “Food for Thought” piece, I decided that I would let this picture be my guide. A friend of mine sent this picture to me in a text saying that it reminded her of me….and if you only knew the self-inflicted struggles that I undertook by being in my last relationship, you’d definitely understand. Although that’s a story for a different day, here’s what I would like you guys to take from this, especially because I know first hand that this is not always our area of expertise:

You have to let that SH*T GO! In many cases, love is blinding. Actually….relationships period are blinding. Why? Because we let ourselves get caught up with people who don’t truly care about us one way or the other. You have to know when enough is enough and when it’s time for you to start looking out for your own interests. As women we love hard and we’re emotional, and that’s Okay, because if we didn’t, who would? But when you let your feelings for someone start to interfere with your future..your Education…your Money? That’s a problem. At that point, the power over yourself and your actions, that should undoubtedly belong to you, is now in the hands of someone else.

Suggested solution? Open your eyes and start being more Objective, or these people will run you into the ground, leaving you unfocused and broke, just like the picture says.